Managing Anger in Children
Anger is a natural human emotion. Like other emotions, such as stress, there are helpful and unhelpful sides of anger.
Anger can be a helpful emotion as it can provide you with energy to get something done or stand up for what you believe in. However, anger can also be an unhelpful emotion, especially if it happens frequently or gets out of control. Often when we are angry, we lose our temper which can lead to problems worsening or increased conflict.
When we are feeling angry, it’s important to manage our anger in positive and healthy ways. Managing anger can be challenging, especially early on. Here are some tips to assist yourself and your little ones manage your anger.
Recognise early warning signs of anger
Our body is an amazing resource and will often tell us we’re feeling angry (or beginning to), before we are even able to identify the emotion ourselves. Recognising the ways our body is telling us we’re angry can assist us in managing anger in the early anger stages. Early signs of anger may include:
Change in heart rate
Upset stomach
Precursor emotions to anger such as cranky, annoyed, or irritated
Change in breathing
Change in body temperature – often feeling warm or flushed
Tight muscles
Sweating
Negative thinking – “I have to do everything myself!” “Why is no one listening to me!”
Practice an anger relaxation strategy
Similar to other emotions, such as worry or sadness, when we’re feeling angry there are many things we can do to return our emotions back to a sense of calm. Relaxation strategies will vary according to each individual – something that may work for someone may be ineffective for another. It’s best to have a multitude of strategies in the event one doesn’t work or can’t be performed due to a different environment. Here are some examples of relaxation strategies:
Controlled breathing
Engaging in physical activity, such as a walk or run
Talking to someone about how you are feeling
Engaging in a fun, calming activity such as drawing, reading, or watching a favourite TV show
Model, model, model!
Children learn through observation. Seeing you model how to notice your own anger, acknowledge you anger, and implement a relaxation strategy to assist with calming your emotions is a great way to model and teach your children how to manage their own anger. This also allows you to normalise the feeling of anger for your child.
Written by Emma Trott (Registered Psychologist)
